The mean man's party.
     The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, "Come up to 5M and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door open, push with your foot."
     "Why use my elbow and foot?"
     "Well, gosh," was the reply, "You're not coming empty-hangded, are you?"


Bring me the winner
      -- Waiter, this lobster has only one claw.
     -- I'm sorry, sir. It must have been in a fight.
     -- Well, bring me the winner then.


He is really somebody
     -- My uncle has 1000 men under him.
     -- He is really somebody. What does he do?
     -- A maintenance man in a cemetery.

Mrs. Brown: Oh, my dear, I have lost my precious little dog!
     Mrs. Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the papers!
     Mrs. Brown: It's no use, my little dog can't read.

Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter, the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real. It made the old lady out of patience.
     At last she could not hold any more, uttering. "Trust me, Sir, and trust the money. They are real US dollars. They are directly from America."


Q: What's the difference between a monkey and a flea?
A: A monkey can have fleas, but a flea can't have monkeys.

Q: How can you most irritate a farmer?
A: By treading on his corn?

Q: Which is the strongest creature in the world?
A: The snail. It carries its house on its back.

Q: How do you stop a sleepwalker from walking in his sleep?
A: Keep him awake.

累了```
睡了```
今天医院放假```